Looking after the psychological wellbeing of yourselves and the children you care for during the covid-19 pandemic
Good up to date advice on covid-19 is available from the usual government and NHS websites. This advice relates to psychological wellbeing for looked after children and foster carers which may be relevant at this time.
There is some really helpful advice out there about how to speak with children and young people about coronavirus. Like other high profile and potentially upsetting subjects that are sometimes in the news, it’s likely you will be asked about covid-19 and it’s important you feel prepared to answer questions as honestly as possible but also in a way which is calm and containing for the child.
Good resources on this include a child-friendly pamphlet for younger children from Mindheart Kids, information from the Child Mind Institute and a Harvard article about talking to teens.
Top tips included in these resources are:
Not being afraid to discuss the virus.
Giving as much information as the child asks for and following the child’s lead on this.
Managing your own anxiety and reassuring the child by focussing on what you’re doing to stay safe.
Keeping a routine as much as possible in your daily life.
Keeping opportunities to talk frequent.
Sharing advice about psychological wellbeing as well as physical safety e.g. not looking at the news continuously, keeping regular structure, making time to exercise, and keeping in touch with friends and loved ones using online or telephone contact.
For looked after children, exactly the same tips apply, with some extra considerations that can be taken into account. Foster children are usually in care because they have had a really difficult time, and experienced trauma such as maltreatment or neglect. It is understandable that they are likely to find it harder to trust adults because of these previous experiences. They are likely to find it harder to feel safe and already be extra-sensitive to threat. They may also have difficulties naming and expressing their emotions and may show that they are upset or anxious by escalating behaviour instead of naming their worry.
Looked after children might also be extra-sensitive to change, especially if they have had several foster placements. When you are explaining to them that circumstances are changing in response to the virus, e.g. staying at home more, it can help to emphasise the things that are staying the same and to make this list as long as possible.
Trying to maintain a stable structure for the child you are caring for is a good way to help them feel secure. As much as possible stick to a clear routine. At the same time, as we move towards spending more time at home it is likely to be useful to pick your battles, and have a balance of stepping aside from some confrontation along with keeping some regular structure and boundaries in place. Connecting with other foster carers managing similar dilemmas will likely be helpful in giving you ideas and making sure you don’t feel too much on your own with this.
Some extra ideas which may help include:
1. It’s normal for everyone to find it frustrating to be cooped up more and relationships can get strained.
2. It’s extra important to work hard at seeing things from the child’s point of view. If their behaviour ramps up, could it be related to feeling anxious? Is this something that can be talked about and acknowledged?
3. Reassuring the child you care for that it’s normal to feel anxious, but that there are lots of things that can help to stay safe and well.
4. Remembering to take responsibility for the relationship. If you do have a row, leaving enough time for a cool down (for both of you) and then taking responsibility for repairing the relationship. The child you are caring for will really need you at this time, even though you may feel pushed away.
5. Trying to make sure you and the child you care for have a daily mix of activities which involve things you enjoy (e.g. playing a computer game together), things you feel proud of (e.g. finishing homework or baking a cake) and things which make you feel connected (e.g. writing a letter or having a skype call). This can prevent you feeling too blue about being inside a lot. Trying to do some exercise is also very helpful for minimising anxiety (it uses up adrenaline).
6. Remembering that sometimes doing an activity together can make it easier to talk about worries, because there is less eye contact and it can feel less intense to the child.
7. Use your access to professionals already involved to help you to support the child you are looking after, e.g. social care and mental healthcare professionals. Use skype, online and telephone contact to stay connected with wider support networks.
8. Remember that you have a great number of skills and a great deal of experience in caring for children, and the same principles apply at this time as any other.
9. If you feel like you’re running out of ideas of things to do at home, there are some helpful online resources available.
At times like this, when everyone is understandably anxious, it is extra important to look after your own mental wellbeing as a carer, trying to stay calm and not let anxiety spiral out of control. This includes:
Balancing being up to date with the latest guidelines with not checking the news too much.
Resisting the urge to continuously check symptoms as checking can make you feel worse, and some symptoms of anxiety include shortness of breath, a tight chest and feeling hot, so these do not necessarily mean physical illness.
For more on these you can read this article.
It’s important that you build in some time in the day where you can have a breather too, even if that’s only for a short time. It isn’t selfish, it will help you stay open and engaged in your relationship with the child you are caring for.