Official Singles Chart Top 40

I cannot for the life of me tell Is it over now and The tortured poets department apart they sound exactly the same!

Now to rank the 37+3 hits in my own special way:

SO GREAT IT'S ACTUALLY RIDICULOUS TIER:

Olivia Rodrigo - obsessed [40] (No, she isn't obsessed with her eggs, Jack from Warrington. Get it right.)

Jungle - Back On 74 [28]

Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten [23]

Beyoncé - TEXAS HOLD 'EM [9]

SMRT. I MEAN SMAR-T TIER:

Bakar - Xell N Back [26]

Chappell Roan - Good Luck, Babe [21] (The lyric video screams "GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION".)

Shaboozey - A Bar Song (Tipsy) [16] (Better than it has any right to be.)

Lay Bankz - Tell Ur Girlfriend [18]

THIS IS QUITE GOOD FOR SOME REASON TIER

SZA - Saturn [29] (Honestly forgot this was still in the chart. Roll on Glastonbury!)

The Blessed Madonna/Clementine Douglas - Happier [17]

Tyla/Gunna/Skillibeng - Jump [38]

Sabrina Carpenter - Espresso [5]

Future/Metro Boomin/Kendrick Lamar - Like That [25]

Taylor Swift ft. Post Malone - Fortnight [1]

I KIND OF ACCEPT HEARING THIS ON THE RADIO TIER:

Ariana Grande - we can't be friends (wait for your love) [11]

Taylor Swift - The Tortured Poets Department [2]

Dua Lipa - Illusion [19] (On the cover of TIME magazine as one of the world 100 MOst Influential People, along with Kylie Minogue and 21 Savage. Apparently.)

Taylor Swift - Down Bad [4]

Noah Kahan - Stick Season [15]

ERRRRMMMMM...... MID TIER:

Hozier - Too Sweet [3]

Djo - End Of Beginning [34]

Artemas - i like the way you kiss me [7]

Headie One/Stormzy/Tay Keith - Cry No More [33]

Dasha - Austin [10]

Calvin Harris & Rag'n'Bone Man - Lovers In A Past Life [36]

Drake - Push Ups [14] (Don't really care about this rapper beef, to be honest. That may explain why J. Cole's droans did better than you thought they would on my rankings. It's all 'bout da muzik 4 me.)

Mark Ambor - Belong Together [12]

THIS DOESN'T DO IT FOR ME AT ALL TIER:

Rudimental/Skepsis/This Joke Is Very Old - Green & Gold [32]

cassö/RAYE/D-Block Europe - Prada [39]

Ella Henderson ft. Rudimental - Alibi [20]

Benson Boone - Slow It Down [30]

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME TIER:

Perrie - Forget About Us [31] (Told you so. 😏)

NewEra - Birds In The Sky [24]

Michael Marcagi - Scared To Start [13]

Badger - These Words [35] (I heard a snippet on Radio 1's Dance Anthems, and I don't think I can sleep for the rest of the week it's that horrendous.)

Bryson Tiller - Whatever She Wants [22]

THE RADIO STATIONS NEED TO STOP PLAYING THESE TIER:

David Guetta & OneRepublic - I Don't Wanna Wait [27]

Benson Boone - Beautiful Things [6]

Good Neighbours - Home [37]

Teddy Swims - Lose Control [8]

Chart Review 26/04/24

Taylor Swift.

I could stop it there but let's keep it going.

Guten tag to all who read this, and if you were wondering what that noise was outside your house a week ago, you may have realised it was National Record Store Day last week, an annual event where anyone who's anyone in the music industry plugs their old CDs and vinyls in an attempt to fool us all. Sometimes, of course, there's loads of new albums waiting to capitalise on this new found interest in music. Last year saw Enter Shikari pull the pants down The 1975 and Everything But The Girl as they romped to the top of the albums in classy style. Taylor Swift was involved that year. And in 2022. And now she's gone and done it again.

Yes guys, the new album from TayTay, The Tortured Poets Department, hit the shelves last week, and it may as well have been released on a Thursday given how dominant it was compared to poor old Pearl Jam and UB40. By Monday it had nearly 200,000 takers, so no matter what you think of the world's most omnipresent popstar, you can't deny she gets the job done. The 270K it sold is the highest tally for any album since all that Ed Sheeran garbage in 2017, which says a lot given I thought physical sales were dead in the water at this point. That's 12 chart-topping albums for the lass now, and it's definitely not impossible that she can set the record for most No.1 albums in the UK by the end of the decade (The Beatles lead the way with 16, if you're wondering). It also helps that the same day this album dropped, she just CASUALLY swung another 15 songs our way as part of the deluxe edition, in a move that puts everyone else to shame. Given she's virtually the 21st century Bob Dylan in the lyrical musical department (see what I did there?), critically judging this album will get me crucified by anyone I find out loves songs like Guilty As Sin?, I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can), loml, Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus, and my personal fave title, Florida!!!, with Florence Welch reduced to mumbling away in the background like a lost spirit.

It's also kind of hard to judge an album with a couple dozen ballads on it, but when listening to clips of the tunes, I can confirm that none of them are as good as Shake It Off, Love Story or Cruel Summer. That's just how it is. Anyways, the singles chart has naturally bended over and supplied her with the most one-sided victory you'll see until Christmas.

First up on the running order is Fortnight, a duet with Post Malone that is clearly the highlight here, and lands her a 4th chart-topper on these shores, even though you can barely here old Post on this song. Seriously, he shouldn't have bothered. What's the point? Ah well. Grabbing 3rd place is the title track of the album, mainly serving as the latest put-down to one of her zillion ex-boyfriends, Matt Healy of The 1975 getting the chop this time out. And also failing to beat Hozier's Too Sweet is Down Bad, another classic case of "too many ballads, spoil the broth". Or however that quote goes. There may be more debuts as these songs tip into oblivion, but right now, it's Swifty's world and we're all just living in it. And I don't think next week is any easier on the eye in all honesty.

Three other new entries in the chart this week, and all from black artists with points to prove. Kind of. First up at No.14 is Drake's latest 'song', duly becoming his 93rd (NINETY-THIRD) Top 40 appearance. He felt like suddenly dropping this midweek as he got involved in the ever-growing downward spiral of backlash that is the J. Cole-Kendrick-Insert Other Rapper Here diss saga. Not his best song by a long shot, but also far, FAR from his worst. Apparently he's tried to replicate a segment of 2Pac's voice using AI, and it's all gone horribly wrong for everyone involved. Having listened to Push Ups, I can officially confirm that I have no idea what he's on about. Maybe it's just me, I s'pose.

Two places below him is a climb of twenty-five for Collins Obinna Chibueze, or Shaboozey to the average guy, who clearly saw how famous Lil Nas X got by mixing country with pop and causing a backlash with it and thought, "Yeah I'll try that". His third album arrives at the end of the month, and it's hailed by this tune going absolutely BONKERS on the social sites, as A Bar Song (Tipsy) pulls a blinder after narrowly missing out at 41 last week. It's also far better than the country genre has any right to be nowadays, which is quite a sight until you realise that Beyoncé exists. Shaboozey can actually be found on Cowboy Carter on a couple of songs, so he is clearly hot product right now. Expect loads of success from this guy in the future. Or you know, he'll probably end up like all the other 1-hit wonders. It's hard to tell anymore.

Elsewhere, and the three new hits from last week's ladies have taken some interesting moves. Sabrina Carpenter is now officially an actual successful lady in the business, Espresso climbing a place and proving everybody wrong. Including me. Illusion by Dua Lipa drops ten places, a disappointing sight until you actually listen to the song, and then it becomes all to obvious that it's just sorta mid. Oh, and Perrie from Little Mix has fallen to 31. Surprised? You better not be. Anyways, the other new hit is Headie One's first appearance since his collab album with K-Trap in October, as Cry No More starts it's journey at 33. It's a bit of a flop though, given Martin's Sofa was Top 10 barely a year ago, and the fact that Stormzy guests on this song is extra evidence that he could've done better overall. Hey man, at least you're not a member of a group who duetted with Big Mike in 2017.

You can figure out the reference to that joke, right?

The likes of Blur, David Bowie, Black Sabbath and Orbital can all be found on this wacky album chart, as last week's winners James plummet to 74. Which is just your average drop nowadays. Back to the singles, and Pozer follows up Kitchen Stove with Malicious Intentions, and his debut at 41 indicates he clearly has some support, meanwhile Training Season and Whatever have been injected with ACR-itis as they evaporate from the best-sellers faster than my dignity. And that says a lot, given I don't have any. Irish band Fontaines D.C. finally experience Top 100 success with Starbuster entering at 62, Latin fever strikes again with Pedro going in at 67 by three people I don't give one about, AJ Tracey stiffs at 69th position, while Yeat, Teddy Swims, Chappell Roan and Zerb all break through into the charts with songs of various quality. I'm not sure if any of them are Top 40 worthy, but you never know in this day and age. For all we know, 's PartyRock Anthem could be here next time out.

Speaking of which, next week is a lil' dead. Young T & Bugsey make their grand return to no one's approval, Cat Burns still can't win anyone over that hasn't heard Go, Mabel exits her hiatus and she's still pretty boring, Aitch is back, AGAIN, and the world holds it's breath to see if Mercury Prize winners Ezra Collective can do anything next week with new single Ajala. Just to prove if jazz can actually stand a chance outside of magazine no one reads. And the albums will see a battle between Justice, St. Vincent, Jess Glynne, The Zutons and the Pet Shop Boys as they try and dislodge Taylor Swift from her eternal throne. And yes, none of them will do anyting in the charts. It's just written in the stars, alright?

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. BYE.

(P.S. Summer by Calvin Harris is 10 years old today. Feel old yet? He hasn't sung a single word since releasing that song, and I'm in utter fits that he still hasn't put out another song like Ready For The Weekend or Acceptable In The 80s. The things I would do for one of those again.)

i was that taylor fan if you guys are wondering lol

great:

fortnight (ft. post malone)

florida!!! (ft. florence & the machine)

unwritten

what was i made for?

saturn

like that

beautiful things

down bad

good:

these words

we can't be friends

i like the way you kiss me

happier

good luck babe

decent:

forget about us

cry no more

jump

the tortured poets department (it would be an amazing song if it wasn't for the charlie puth, patti smith & dylan thomas lines)

home

start

green and gold

illusion

mid:

belong together

n back

texas hold 'em

whatever she wants

i don't wanna wait

austin

bad:

obsessed

back on 74

stick season

slow it down

tell ur gf 

a bar song

awful:

prada

end of beginning

lovers in a past life

alibi

lose control

birds in the sky

worst song ever made dethroning 3 lions:

carnival (kanye does have many bangers but THIS was a calamitous disaster: THANK ACR for this) 

hello

MY TOP 10 THIS WEEK!

1. MY BOY ONLY BREAKS HIS FAVOURITE TOYS - Taylor swift (=) (2 weeks at No. 1)

2. ILLUSION - Dua lipa (+3)

3. ESPRESSO - Sabrina carpenter (+19)

4. MY OH MY - Ava max (+36!)

5. TRAINING SEASON - Dua lipa (-2)

6. FORTNIGHT - taylor swift (-4)

7. FORGET ABOUT US - perrie (+12)

8. I CAN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART - taylor swift (-4)

9. TOO SWEET - hoizer (-1)

10. WE CANT BE FRIENDS (WAIT FOR YOUR LOVE) - ariana grande (+2)

I’m thinking something a bit different today, since she got a big takeover in my actual chart… here are my Top 10 songs of the week not from Taylor. Enjoy!

#1: Tyla – Priorities (+1)   [New No.1!] 🇿🇦

#2: Perrie - Forget About Us (-1) 🇬🇧 (🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿)

#3: Sabrina Carpenter - Espresso (=) 🇺🇸

#4: Girl In Red - I'm Back (+19) 🇳🇴

#5: Silia Kapsis - Liar (+1) 🇦🇺

#6: Porter Robinson - Cheerleader (+12) 🇺🇸

#7: Olivia Rodrigo - Scared Of My Guitar (-2) 🇺🇸

#8: Dylan Conrique - Last One To Love Me (-4) 🇺🇸

#9: Dasha - Austin (-1) 🇺🇸

#10: ILLIT - Magnetic (-3) 🇰🇷

Full chart on Crown Note: https://www.crownnote.com/charts/piran/pirans-top-50-219

Full chart on BuzzJack: www.buzzjack.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=270912

I’m not too disappointed about ‘What Was I Made For?’ leaving the Top 40 because it had an incredibly successful run. Shame that ‘Obsessed’ looks it’ll be leaving next week... 😔

Thankfully, we got a debut and an upgrade in the top tier, including a surprise new leader!

Top 40 Rankings: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/38591ca1c8a893bffd992941d028c1dd9a550562d590ae9668118d585426869a.png

I heard ‘A Bar Song (Tipsy)’ for the first time a little earlier in the week… and I’m honestly impressed.

It’s a really fun and charismatic country song. Glad to see it becoming a hit!

it’s a taylor takeover as my personal charts get so chaotic they’re a top 30 for just this week 👀

1. so long, london - taylor swift
2. fresh out the slammer - taylor swift
3. cheerleader - porter robinson
4. high to death - car seat headrest
5. the albatross - taylor swift
6. the smallest man who ever lived - taylor swift
7. the prophecy - taylor swift
8. tears over beers - modern baseball
9. sodium chloride - panchiko
10. clara bow - taylor swift
11. loml - taylor swift
12. cassandra - taylor swift
13. kicking cars - panchiko
14. like that - future, metro boomin & kendrick lamar
15. backwards - lsd and the search for god
16. strangers - no mana & jastine
17. imgonnagetyouback - taylor swift
18. tears dry on their own - amy winehouse
19. my boy only breaks his favourite toys - taylor swift
20. guilty as sin? - taylor swift
21. nervous young inhumans - car seat headrest
22. you need me now? - girl in red feat. sabrina carpenter
23. headboard - lil ugly mane
24. rehab - amy winehouse
25. questions - maeta
26. the bolter - taylor swift
27. i can fix him (no really i can) - taylor swift
28. israel - willow
29. 757 - 100 gecs
30. veridis quo - daft punk

=======================================

top 10 albums:

1. the tortured poets department - taylor swift
2. d>e>a>t>h>m>e>t>a>l - panchiko
3. back to black - amy winehouse
4. twin fantasy - car seat headrest
5. f*ck the world - brent faiyaz
6. madvillainy - mf doom & madlib
7. im doing it again baby! - girl in red
8. heaven to a tortured mind - yves tumor
9. the unseen - quasimoto
10. punisher - phoebe bridgers

shame to see training season and forget about us falling :(

Awesome to see ‘Good Luck, Babe!’ taking another big leap up the chart! ❤️

Very pleased that Chappell is finally getting the recognition she deserves. :)

I’m impressed by how well ‘Espresso’ is performing! Not only is it now Sabrina’s first Top 5 hit, but it would be #2 without Taylor.

Hopefully it can challenge for the summit next week with its current streaming momentum and the fact it’s leading on Spotify! 😊

Taylor’s album was a pleasant listen for me, but I definitely think the wrong tracks charted from it today.

Sure, it’s good to see ‘Fortnight’ at #1, but the title track was just about passable (I was not a fan of that Charlie Puth line) and I didn’t care for ‘Down Bad’ much at all. I personally would’ve swapped the last two with ‘Clara Bow’ and ‘The Albatross’.

my music takeaway for the night (back for seconds): 🥡

• DRAKE?! YOU ACTUALLY RESPONDED?! my hopes weren’t high following the j cole warning shot, but drizzy actually came through with one of his hardest shots to date and proves he can take on this 10v1 without a fkin doubt. i know he made back to back, but even as someone loyal to kendrick, this was crazy good. that said i don’t agree with the jabs at kdot for doing pop features though, id let it slide if he didn’t namecheck sza (pop music!) a few bars later. but yeah, in a year where nicki minaj and j cole delivered lackluster disses, we needed this.
• in other rap news, chris brown and quavo are beefing and i couldn’t care less.
• i watched the amy winehouse biopic and marisa abela’s performance as amy was absolutely bang on in every second of the film. it was a depressing watch considering amy was a deeply troubled soul, but a very good one and i recommend it. i wish it had more top 40 impact though :I
• good luck, babe! - gonna add chappell roan to renee rapp and sabrina carpenter in the list of artists i need to listen to more of. speaking of sabrina, espresso is doing really well on streaming and it’s making me miss summer. wouldn’t complain if this overtakes taylor to be the next number 1 song.
• please don’t tell me we’re making i dont wanna wait a thing. david guetta must be stopped. he cant keep getting away with this. it’s happened to kygo now - you know, a dance act i once liked?! stop stealing things!
• i couldn’t care less for the headie one or mark ambor songs. i mean the former is just uk drill, a genre i grew tired of a long time ago, and the latter sounds like royalty free music. to put it blunt, im not on board.
• outside the charts, porter robinson is dropping a new album which im hella excited for! i love this new direction for him.

have a nice weekend everyone! <3

my music takeaway for the night (taylor’s version): 🥡

• so last week, taylor swift dropped an album that, as we can predict, broke her own spotify record. it was an album i set an alarm for 5am to listen to, an album i was info-dumping to my brothers swiftie girlfriend to, an album that caused hmv to take 45 pounds out of me because i wanted the clear vinyl, and an album that same girl bought me because i wanted the albatross cd. it was a great album too, and i’m gonna talk about it.
• fortnight taking the number 1 spot was inevitable, what with the single push, music video, big-name feature from post malone, and of course the first-track curse. it’s not my favourite track on ttpd by any means, but it’s a very good one.
• fresh out the slammer reminded me of a lana del rey song. such a chilled-out listen. loml, clara bow and the smallest man who ever lived were also really amazing, and the latter really had some drama building.
• there were a few lines in there that i would’ve rethought, like the majority of who’s afraid of little old me (it’s a little too over-the-top for me, taylor’s actually a sweetheart we shouldn’t fear), and that line in the title track about charlie puth being a bigger artist. i know you said you were high off chocolate before saying that, but charlie’s big enough as it is.
• so long london might be one of her best track 5s to date. all i’ve done since hearing it on the album was put it on repeat and rave about it, and it’s gonna be up there with flyway (kero kero bonito) and cheerleader (porter robinson) among my most streamed songs of the year. the lyrical content is absolutely gut wrenching and joe is over after this (and a few lines across the album!) and it’s done across fantastic intense production
• i was expecting something more folklorey because of its aesthetics, but absolutely not complaining about the pop because it sounds good as ever. but i got what i was expecting moreso two hours later because she casually dropped 15 more songs then like it’s nothing.
• imgonnagetyouback is gonna be one of the most underrated taylor cuts in the years to come, along with cassandra, the albatross and the prophecy. they’re all amazing.
• overall, as a standard edition this album isn’t one of her strongest, but the anthology brings this up in my ranking of her albums. she’s a fantastic songwriter and i had a great friday listening to it.